I will let go

I've never been a fan of self-inflicted pain. I cringe just by looking at other people's wounds. Obviously my tolerance for pain is zero.

But lately I've been doing a lot of self-inflicted harm to myself. Poking at old scabs till it bleeds and makes me cry.

Sigh. I have to stop this insanity.

Last night I had a dream. I couldn't remember the whole thing but there were people from the past in that dream. They were telling me to let go.

Alright, I will. I think it was a sign. I will. God, help me.
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Gatal must be your middle name

Menyampah la tengok kau dik. Tapi akak paham, tengah syok bercinta macam tu la dik, semua indah kan? Baru 6 bulan bercinta dah nak kahwin bagai, gatalnya! Ish ish..
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I reach towards the sky I've said my goodbyes, my heart's always with you

He's been consuming my thoughts lately. Every breath, every step. Cried myself to sleep, wondering if he could hear my heart's calling.

I remember on the day he was going to leave me, I asked him a question. That question. He said no.

On Monday I saw his update and I'm almost convinced that there IS still a connection. He could hear me. And I can hear him.

This is not telepathy. It's a tie that binds. Binding our hearts.
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There's always a little truth behind every 'Just kidding.'
There's always a little knowledge behind every 'I don't know,'
and always a little emotion behind every 'I don't care.'
There's always a lot of pain behind every 'It's okay.'
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Nobody wants to know the truth, until their hearts been broken

There's a tight knot in my stomach, so tight it's squeezing the life out of me. A huge lump in my throat that is so painful it feels like swallowing blades.

I know what it is but I just can't say it out loud.

I am not in denial, I just don't like how it sounds. I guess, yeah, I just wanna hear what I wanna hear.
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Three for a girl, four for a boy

Giving it a second try. I kills me to say this but I think I screwed up big time, I can feel that he doesn't love me like he used to. Good job, self. Sigh.


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One for sorrow, two for joy

Jinxed it! This is just temporary, it seems. Getting off at the next station.. Adieu, my friend.

I shall be over with this as I had before. Love hurts but sometimes it's a good hurt. And it feels like I'm alive.
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