Serendipity

I think I've found the Reason. He taught me how to love. I think I've found the Season. He was there for a moment, shattered me apart but it toughened me out.

I am certain I'm gonna find the Lifetime soon. InsyaAllah. I will and I am.

They say third time's a charm. :)

* * *
People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person.
 
When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at any convenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.
 
Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.
 
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
 
Thank you for being a part of my life, whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime.
 
-by Aleksandra Lachut

Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

In love with love

20.10.2010. Who would've thought. We were just 2 months shy from hitting a year. I know why it didn't work.

Alright, goodbye R, H.. I can do this.

'Fess Up Friday : Love You Till The End (?)

Been a while since the last 'Fess Up Friday. Ok, here goes.

*tarik nafas dalam-dalam*

RP asyik muncul dalam mimpi sejak dua menjak ini. Ironinya aku sudah lepaskan dia. Betul, sumpah. Keliru, kenapa dia kerap dalam ingatan subkonsius ku?

Aku sudah janji dengan diri sendiri bahawa Si Perasan Gorjes tidak mahu lagi jadi Si Perempuan Gila yang sekejap gembira, sekejap meratap dalam hidupnya. Lelah.

There's gotta be more to life

Give me RM10k in cash and my life would be just right. Just nice. Just the simple mediocre but happy life that I could live in with.

Just RM10k to solve all problems then I'll be happy dah.

Duit, duit.. Di mana kau duit..??

Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

Oil and water

They say when you love someone you have to let them go. If they came back, then they were meant for you. I have let him go so many times before, and he came back time and time again. But not anymore. Maybe we've lost the magic eh.

Sigh, today shall be my last day of (almost) a year of grieving.

Here's to Goodbye to three years and two months (or more) of love and hate. He was my first, my first true love, my first longest relationship, first in so many ways.

Sorry it took me this long, but believe me it wasn't easy.

Adieu.

*inhales*

Another toast to love, life and hopes.

Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

Don't be such a bitch, you little fat ugly bitch

Just when I was set on letting go, some ugly fat bitch is agitating me. That was 2 months ago and now only did you find out about it? Haha.

Oh well. You got it all right. My motives are pretty obvious aren't they? And I guess it worked just the way I wanted it. Coz if it didn't, you wouldn't get all worked out about it. *evil laughs*

Sigh. Clearly you are very insecure. And you don't know him well enough to know that your boyfriend would not approve of you bashing me like that, or anyone for that matter.

Oh boy, that gives me an idea. ;)
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

I will let go

I've never been a fan of self-inflicted pain. I cringe just by looking at other people's wounds. Obviously my tolerance for pain is zero.

But lately I've been doing a lot of self-inflicted harm to myself. Poking at old scabs till it bleeds and makes me cry.

Sigh. I have to stop this insanity.

Last night I had a dream. I couldn't remember the whole thing but there were people from the past in that dream. They were telling me to let go.

Alright, I will. I think it was a sign. I will. God, help me.
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

Gatal must be your middle name

Menyampah la tengok kau dik. Tapi akak paham, tengah syok bercinta macam tu la dik, semua indah kan? Baru 6 bulan bercinta dah nak kahwin bagai, gatalnya! Ish ish..
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

I reach towards the sky I've said my goodbyes, my heart's always with you

He's been consuming my thoughts lately. Every breath, every step. Cried myself to sleep, wondering if he could hear my heart's calling.

I remember on the day he was going to leave me, I asked him a question. That question. He said no.

On Monday I saw his update and I'm almost convinced that there IS still a connection. He could hear me. And I can hear him.

This is not telepathy. It's a tie that binds. Binding our hearts.
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

There's always a little truth behind every 'Just kidding.'
There's always a little knowledge behind every 'I don't know,'
and always a little emotion behind every 'I don't care.'
There's always a lot of pain behind every 'It's okay.'
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

Nobody wants to know the truth, until their hearts been broken

There's a tight knot in my stomach, so tight it's squeezing the life out of me. A huge lump in my throat that is so painful it feels like swallowing blades.

I know what it is but I just can't say it out loud.

I am not in denial, I just don't like how it sounds. I guess, yeah, I just wanna hear what I wanna hear.
Sent via BlackBerry® from Maxis

Three for a girl, four for a boy

Giving it a second try. I kills me to say this but I think I screwed up big time, I can feel that he doesn't love me like he used to. Good job, self. Sigh.


Sent via BlackBerry® from Maxis

One for sorrow, two for joy

Jinxed it! This is just temporary, it seems. Getting off at the next station.. Adieu, my friend.

I shall be over with this as I had before. Love hurts but sometimes it's a good hurt. And it feels like I'm alive.
Sent via BlackBerry® from Maxis

Forever after, you and me, in different pictures

Everyday, walking up the stairs to my 5th floor apartment, I'd be hoping to see you waiting in front of my door. Back in the days, most of the times I would find you sitting on the floor, just outside my door, looking tired but your face would light up at the sight of me.

These days, walking up the stairs to my 5th floor apartment, I'd be hoping to see you waiting in front of my door. I don't know how would I react if you're really gonna be there. I don't know if I'm gonna laugh or cry first. Do I shake your hand or give you a hug? I don't know if I should ask you to come in, or we're just gonna talk outside.

And then we would catch up with each other's life. Your life without me, and mine without you. And eventually we would come to the topic of our history. Are you gonna ask me to come back to you? And if you do, I don't know what I'm gonna tell you, or if I'm gonna have the heart to leave him for you.

These days, walking up the stairs to my 5th floor apartment, I'd be hoping to see you waiting in front of my door. But I know for a fact you will never be there. Not ever again.

I pray for your happiness and my happiness. Amin.
Sent via BlackBerry® from Maxis

I read somewhere that love is wonderful, but the practice is taxing. How very true. Every single time I got into a fight with the boyfriend, I questioned myself what did I get myself into, as if the previous relationship taught me nothing.

God knows how much I miss you, H.
Sent via BlackBerry® from Maxis

But I won't lie, I found a love, I had to rediscover

May 17, 2009; we were in Phuket celebrating love, life and your birthday.

Happy birthday, I wish for you (and I), nothing but happiness.
Sent via BlackBerry® from Maxis

Love's on its way, hope it won't be too late

I think I *AM* one selfish, self-centered and self-absorbed bitch. Not gonna deny that.

Sorry, baby.. Sigh..
Sent via BlackBerry® from Maxis

Bekas kekasih hati, RP kini sudah berteman baru. Ironinya percintaan 3 tahun kami, tak sampai 3 bulan berpisah, dia aku; got over each other and both of us are with someone now. Lebih ironi, kekasih baru si RP adalah adik kepada a mutual friend, who fixed us up 3 years ago.

Okay, I digress. Entri hari ini hanya untuk let this off my chest. Si kekasih baru ini requested to follow me on Twitter. So selamba eh that little bitch.

Sent via BlackBerry® from Maxis

Banyak yang jadi selepas entri terakhir. Untuk disimpulkan dalam satu perkataan mungkin mustahil. Tapi dalam bullet-points:

- Aku dan RP tinggal sejarah
- Si Mat Hindustan kini dalam lembaran hidupku yang baru
- Aku rasa aku lebih bahagia sekarang. (Could be better, tapi biasa la manusia tak pernah puas)

Cuma nak ucapkan terima kasih, Tuhan.

Sent via BlackBerry® from Maxis